Hello, 

It has been awhile. This month last year, I was in a relationship. I thought I was the happiest person I have ever been. Moving on from Asyraf was hard enough. It took me almost 10 whole years to finally let go of the person. Although I like others in between those years, I still held onto a glimmer of hope that he might look back and see me. But I was wrong the whole time. He got married last year and I did say my goodbyes. 

Then, I unexpectedly found someone few months after. I was skeptical at first but as time goes by I fell harder. When I was at my most comfortable, he left. Without a proper goodbye. It felt like deja vu. But this time this guy was my boyfriend. I felt like my whole world collapsed. I was sick. So badly. I got a fever and gastritis the whole week. I wasn’t myself. I drove to his house but I couldn’t even see his car. Even when I did, he already went up. 

Bukan jodoh.

People say. I don’t want to believe in it at all. I tried my hardest. I loved the hardest after years of not doing. It only took a few words before everything was over. I couldn’t even fathom how it ended in the first place. 

And today I saw that my name got erased from his account. The last trace of me was gone. I think, even my photos you’ve probably thrown it away.

Please make this feeling go away. I’m in pain. It has been months since he left. He has moved on. Why couldn’t I. Why am I still holding onto this. I cried myself again right now. Maybe I am in denial. I couldn’t let go.

Maybe someday, I will. Just let me love you in silence until the feelings fade away.